Forgiveness

Show me the way to forgive you
Allow me to let it go
Allow me to be forgiven
Show me the way to let go

                                                                THOMAS by A Perfect Circle

 

                  

I used to think that forgiveness was easy and that a higher power forgave my sins and took them away, all I had to do was ask for it.  My first problem was that I tended not be able to forgive others completely.  Second, I could never understand was why it was so hard to feel that personal forgiveness was real and to believe that I had it when I really needed it.  I didn’t understand then how inclusive true forgiveness is, and I know now that forgiveness is powerful.  It may not be easy, but it is necessary for my feelings of happiness and satisfaction with my life.  I believe in the transforming power of forgiveness.

Many years ago I made a very poor decision and did something embarrassing that I felt bad about.  No one got hurt, nothing illegal took place, but a small group of people, including my best friend, knew what I had done.  I felt ashamed and humiliated.  I would vow to get over and forgive myself.  I prayed to be forgiven, a lot, but I still felt ashamed.  Somehow forgiveness never came, so I carried those awful feelings around and kept them in my heart and let them haunt me every time I remembered what I done.

One day a few years ago, I was reminiscing with my best friend, and she said how bad she still felt about an argument we’d had long ago, one that had ended with her slapping me across the face.  I was surprised because I had nearly forgotten that.  It never occurred to me that she was hurting all those years.  I told her I had forgiven her way back then and none of it mattered, least of all the slap!

Then I thought of my bad thing, and I told her how I’d been carrying that with me and how I couldn’t get over it.  I’d prayed for forgiveness dozens of times yet never felt that I was forgiven.  My best friend said, she never thought of that thing.  Do you think those other people do?  Do you think they get together and talk about you, all these years later? 

I started crying and said yes, I thought that. 

She said that’s not true.  You’re the only one still talking about it. 

Standing there in her kitchen, wiping my tears, I knew she was right.  The more I thought about it the lighter I felt.  I realized that I was the one who kept the pain alive, I was tormenting myself, and no matter how many times I’d asked to be forgiven, I had never forgiven myself until then.  That day, I found a new way to think about myself and about people.  I’ve been able to forgive myself, and forgive others and let go of painful situations.  I’m learning to stop reliving and rehashing the past, when before that would never have been a possibility for me.  I believe in the transforming power of forgiveness.

 

Roller Skating Memories

I just got home from Ogden where East Story County Girl Scouts were roller skating for Thinking Day.  I hadn't skated for two years.  My legs got tired very fast.  My shins ached.  My feet quickly got those little sore spots, insides of the arches, big toes, from how I push when I skate.  Those are the places where I always used to get blisters.  The roller rink there has a wood floor.  It's a bit tricky to get used to.  The skates are old-school with those super skinny laces that get all knotted up if you're not careful. 

I sat at a table with my friend quite a bit, watching the adults, teens, youngers and little tiny kids.  Zipping by, creeping past, weaving in and out, holding hands, stumbling, crying, stomping along, clutching each other, smiling, singing with the music, sitting down hard, collapsing onto knees, held up, helped up, guided.  Kind of like life.

When I was growing up, we used to go roller skating in Des Moines sometimes.  There was a rink on the west side.  What was the point of going skating?  Social interaction, exercise?  All I really wanted was a boyfriend.  The skating rink offered the possibility of meeting a boy I didn't go to school with.  God, that agonizingly frustrating couples skate.  Lights low, sort of blue with white rotating spots all over the floor, music appropriate for holding hands and skating slow.  I never found a boyfriend at the skating rink. 

In college we would sometimes go roller skating.  I really got blisters from those skate frenzies.  It was fast and feverish and sweaty, and I'm lucky that blisters were the only wounds I sustained.  I did meet a boy after skating once.  My friend's car broke down, and this guy stopped and drove us back to our dorm.  He called me later and asked me out.  His name was Wayne.  We went to a movie, and I've forgotten now what we saw, but I remember that he cried.

If I ever win the lottery I'm going to build a roller rink.  It'll have good food and snacks, a really awesome game room and great music.  I'll make my husband DJ or at least pick all the tracks.  Where else can kids go these days to hang out and have fun.  Meet someone they didn't go to kindergarten with.  Hold hands and skate to a slow song.

Human Rights - It's us and us, not us versus them.

Human rights apply to all humans.  It's not a cafeteria.  We don't get to exclude or withhold rights based on gender or nationality or whether or not we agree with someone's religion.  Human is human.  We don't get to reclassify some people as less than human and therefore undeserving of human rights because of random criteria we pick or establish.  Religious and political beliefs are frequently used to do this and justify taking away others' human rights.  I believe that we are morally and ethically obligated to cultivate an awareness of and to consider our collective humanity at all times in relation to how we live and conduct ourselves daily.  Difficult, yes.  Necessary, absolutely.   

The Universal Declaration of Human Rights 

Just one example:

Article 16.

• (1) Men and women of full age, without any limitation due to race, nationality or religion, have the right to marry and to found a family. They are entitled to equal rights as to marriage, during marriage and at its dissolution.
• (2) Marriage shall be entered into only with the free and full consent of the intending spouses.
• (3) The family is the natural and fundamental group unit of society and is entitled to protection by society and the State.